


like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees

by windflour



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Also on AFF, Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, happy ending-ish, i made myself cry too i hate this, moonsun, soulmates but not soulmates yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windflour/pseuds/windflour
Summary: “In this world, everybody is half of a whole. That means, to make one whole Byulyi, you will need to find your other half somewhere out there. Your Fated one. See this mark? This will be different for everyone else in the world, except for your Fated one, who will have the same as yours. This is how you know, you’re meant to love this person forever and ever.”“I promised you, didn’t I? We would find each other in every lifetime, Kim Yongsun.”~ [soulmate au, where Fate makes a mistake, and they pay the price] ~
Relationships: Kim Yongsun | Solar/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 20
Kudos: 162





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> also available on asianfanfics: [click here](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1441771)
> 
> this is a bunch of pain i really didn't intend to go this hard but Alas,, title from turning page by sleeping at last.
> 
>   
> **songs to listen to while reading ([youtube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXvjAyt7pFd6Qf8viZLfi5MYFAnMxVLpD) / [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/68B0sbVeZaPa2th9bz35d0?si=XFsiCZAcTVuXZGx_fDEIZA) ):**
> 
> \- _it's a small world_ / sleeping at last / "it's a world of hopes and a world of fears, there is just one moon and one golden sun"
> 
> \- _nada sou sou_ / solar / "every night, the first star I see, i pray that you are doing well"
> 
> \- _breathe again_ / sleeping at last / "holds my love in her hands, out of breath, i am left hoping someday I'll breathe again"
> 
> \- _no.4 diphylleia gray_ / jonghyun / "with time, even the white petals will wither without remembering that they were once transparent"
> 
> \- _river_ / ben platt / "oh, I wish I had a river, i could skate away on, i made my baby say goodbye"
> 
> \- _a little bit_ / mamamoo / "but it feels like you are calling me and I cry, when my heart stings like this, I realise all of me still loves you"
> 
> \- _saturn_ / sleeping at last / "you taught me the courage of stars before you left, how light carries on endlessly, even after death"

Her tiny fingers trace over the identical lines sitting on the wrists of both her parents. Their soulmarks lay in its inky grey tone just under the thin skin on the side of their arm, both an exact replica of each others’ in its pattern and placement.

“Byul-ah,” her mother gently drew her attention to what she’s saying, “do you know what these lines are for?”

“Soulmark!” Byulyi’s eyes lit up, and she looked at her mother eagerly for acknowledgement.

“Such a smart girl!” Her cheeks were pinched fondly as her father rained praises on her.

She sat and listened in absolute fascination as her parents explained it all to her. They painted her the most vivid of images, of soulmarks, Fated ones and love. Throughout it all, Byulyi thought that the prettiest image of all, was the one of the three of them in that very moment, hand in hand, with the love between her parents so palpable Byulyi could almost understand what it meant. 

_“In this world, everybody is half of a whole. That means, to make one whole Byulyi, you will need to find your other half somewhere out there. Your Fated one. See this mark? This will be different for everyone else in the world, except for your Fated one, who will have the same as yours. Now, this will only appear on your wrist when you turn 21 years old, and only if you’ve already met your Fated man. This is how you know, you’re meant to love this man forever and ever.”_

_“What if my Fated one doesn’t like me?”_

_“Well, he will, because that’s what Fate means, that he will love you just as you will love him. Understand?”_

* * *

Ten years later, and Byulyi doesn’t think she understands. The picture perfect image of the soulmate bond in her mind gets tainted each time there are vicious words thrown around their small home, when vases shatter onto the ground in anger and the dinner chairs get knocked out of their place at the table. When there is nothing but frozen silence clinging onto the walls, and home doesn’t feel like home. 

Byulyi shrugs the thin jacket tighter around herself, focusing on putting one feet ahead of the other and keeping her vision unblurred by her tears. Around her were the bustling night crowds of Seoul, passing her by in pairs and groups. 

There was also this one voice, carried high above the throngs of people into the night sky. Byulyi follows it, drawn to the lulling and sweet tone like a moth to a flame. There, in the centre of a circle of onlookers, was a girl engulfed in a blanket of a coat almost bigger than she was. Her fingers nimbly plucked out the notes of the song, as she sings the words that seem to find their way into the etches of Byulyi’s heart. 

_Maeil bam cheot beonjjae byeoreul bomyeonseo_

_geudaega jal jinaegil gidoreul haeyo_

_beoreusi dwaebeorin haneul bogi_

_geureohge nan maeireul geudael chajayo_

Byulyi sat at a bench just shy from the crowds of people, but still close enough to hear the busker’s voice loud and clear. She closes her eyes, letting the tender voice numb the turmoil in her.

The busker sings another set of songs, and as it gets later into the night, her audience thinned out until just a few stood by to listen to her whilst eating the steamed sweet potatoes from the stall nearby. She lets the last notes of the guitar ring out, before timidly thanking her audience. 

“Hey, are you alone?” The same voice that almost sang Byul to sleep brought her out of her thoughts, as the busker from earlier now stood in front of her, guitar on her back. Now, up close, with the moonlight shining through the loose strands of her hair from behind, she looks even more ethereal than ever. 

Byul nods quickly and the girl sits down on the bench next to her, just an inch too close for someone who was practically a stranger. 

“It's almost midnight, why are you here all alone?” Byul had to tear her eyes away from that girl’s face just to focus on answering the question. 

“I don’t have anywhere to go.” Byul replied, tucking her hands into her pockets. 

“What do you mean? You look like you’re my age, don’t you have to go home to your parents? Aren’t they worried about you being out so late?” The girl asks, the look in her eyes so earnest and sincere that Byul forgets her fear of this girl being anything but just friendly and curious. 

“I’m 16,” she starts, before bowing her head to hide a sad smile that followed, “and as for my parents, they would have called yesterday if they really were worried.”

“You’ve been here for two days?”

“Walking around these streets, mostly, but yeah. Two days.’

The girl shifted her gaze away, looking at war with herself as to whether or not to probe further about that fact. 

“Just ask it.” Byul laughed internally over the way the stranger wrote her struggle all over her face.

“Well,” a sharp breath, then she continues, “want to talk about it? Apparently it’s easier to talk to strangers about your problems than it is to open up to people you know. I have thirty minutes till my sister picks me up anyways.”

So Byul talked all about it. About the way her parents were so overcome by their anger for each other that they forgot to care about her. How fights get started as if there’s always an open flame in a room full of combustibles and at some point, her attempts to stop these fights backfired and she’s somehow dragged into all the malicious words they throw at each other. In the midst of all the fighting, she left, and it’s like they never noticed.

Byul stopped talking abruptly, realising that there was a coat draped over her shoulders, and she had stopped shivering from the cold. She felt her heart swell at the sweet gesture, sweeping her fingers over the soft faux fur lining.

The busker had her eyes on Byul’s tiny smile, having listened to the entire story without interrupting once. 

“I used to believe in this whole soulmarks thing with your Fated one. But look at my parents. They are fated to love each other, but it just seems like they don’t anymore.”

“That doesn’t mean that soulmates aren’t real. Humans may be flawed, but Fate is never flawed.” The other girl tried to be as gentle as she could with her words. “You’ll find someone one day who will prove that to you.”

Byul smiled. This girl seemed to hold actual light in her eyes, and it made everything she said sound like the gospel truth. Though Byul had doubts on Fate and how it all works sometimes, there’s no denying that the girl was right. There was still so long to go in life, so many more people to meet and so many things to experience. It was way too early to give up on Fate, and she promised herself to not lose hope in all that. 

“Thank you for lending me your coat anyways.” Byul said after a short but comfortable silence. “I don’t know why I said all that, I don’t usually open up to-”

“Yongsun!” A female voice sounded from a distance. Both girls’ heads shot up at the same time towards where the shout came from.

Another girl half-jogged towards their bench. She was tall, flowing with elegance despite not looking much older than the busker herself, and their resemblance was undeniable - that’s her sister she was talking about earlier.

“Unnie!” The girl jumped up from her seat, flinging her arms around her sister’s neck. Byul let out a shiver when she realised how much warmth she got with the girl sitting so close to her, and how cold it felt to realise that it had come to the end of this really short albeit sweet meeting.

Byul put a smile on her face when the girl said her goodbyes. The coat was back in it’s owner’s arms, as the pair left just as quickly as they seemed to arrive. 

“Hey!” The girl was running back towards her, a grin wide on her face, and her poor sister being dragged behind her by her arm.

“Unnie said okay!” She took a big gulp of air to make up for the sprint. “You can stay at my house for the night! You don’t have to sleep out here.”

Her smile was blindingly bright, and it took several breaths for Byul to take in what she was saying. Her lips parted in surprise, but no words came out.

“Come on, it’s cold out here, you don’t have anywhere to go and besides, it’s only me and my sister. No guys. You don’t have to be scared.”

“It’s not that I’m scared, it’s just-” _Why are you so kind to me?_

“We barely know each other, it’s such a huge inconvenience and-”

“It really isn’t, we have a spare mattress anyways.” The older sister chimed in, her soothing voice such an amusing contrast to the energy-filled rambling of her younger sister. 

“Come on, let’s go before it gets even colder.”

* * *

“What possessed me that night I managed to let a stranger talk me into going to her house to stay?” 

A pillow flies across the room. 

“The same demon that possessed me enough to invite a girl I didn’t even know the name of to my house to spend the night, maybe?” 

The pillow flies right back.

“You put. Worms. On my side of the bed.”

“ _Plastic_ worms. And you put it on mine. First.”

“Because you put a snake in my pillowcase last week?”

“Because you put a rat in my bolster last-last week?”

“Fuck you. That rat looked so fake I laughed at it in the shop. It’s on you for being stupid.”

Yongsun’s jaw dropped open. That was it. 

Byulyi swore she saw her soul ascend from her body when Yongsun crashed headfirst into her, tackling her onto the bed. 

It almost gave them both whiplash, at how it went from tickling and chuckling, to the situation they found themselves in. Yong’s long hair rained down from one side of her head as she raised herself above where Byul was staring up at her. 

Their breaths intermingled and the air became more charged between them. Everything about the way Byul blinked so slowly and delicately, to the way her eyes kept flitting down to Yong’s lips, to the fingers trailing up her spine, just kept sending Yongsun into a more intense high. 

As soon as their lips collided, it was as if Yongsun’s only mission was to make the night last as long as time allowed it to, wringing out highs after highs from the girl below her. 

Yong dropped onto the space next to Byul, the two of them trying to catch their breaths. The air smelled like sex and sweat and euphoria and Yong thanked the fucking Gods that her sister no longer lived with them. 

“Yong-ah.” Fingers intertwined with her own, and she looked over to meet the younger girl’s eyes. The years spent together meant years of learning each others’ every reaction, sensing every emotion and knowing every unspoken word said. And in that moment she knew her Byulyi held the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“I know.” She squeezed her hand back, sighing.

“It’s scary, I know. I love you. That’s all we need, right?” Yong lifted their joined hands, bringing into sight the scribbly marking on her wrist. It was shaped like an abstract impression of a flower, and Byul always thought it was charming in its simplicity. 

Ever since it had appeared on Yongsun’s wrist when the morning light poured in on her 21st birthday, there had been a hope that overfilled itself in Byulyi’s chest. 

_A mark_. Which meant that the person Kim Yongsun was fated to love for a lifetime, was already someone by her side. And that someone could so very well be Moon Byulyi. 

It had to be.

_In the five years since they met on that bench in the city streets, they’ve spent so many firsts together - Yongsun’s first ever picnic, Byulyi’s first time learning an instrument, the first time Byul played the guitar for Yong during another one of their picnics, the first awkward but incredibly endearing date after they both admitted that what they shared couldn’t just be friendship, their first kiss, the first time they made love, their first ‘I love you’, and more._

_Byulyi spent many nights wondering if there could ever be anything that could outshine what Yong and her had. If all these years were a mistake when they couldn’t even know for sure they were each others’ Fated._

_‘But we have to be.’ She thought. There was no way anyone or anything could feel this real, this nebulous in its enormity, than the way Yong made her feel._

So it had to be. Tomorrow, she would wake up to the same scrawl on her own wrist, erasing every bad thought she ever had for the past five years.


	2. chapter two

The sunlight pouring in through the blinds made Byul scrunch up her nose and shut her eyes tighter in annoyance. 

Yong knew it was only another minute or two before the girl pillowed against her chest woke up properly, and she let her have it. She ran her fingers through Byul’s hair, watching as the furrow between her brows smoothed out. There were so many things racing across her mind, so many What Ifs and What Abouts and all the images of Byulyi at her happiest flooding her memory. 

Her eyes fluttered open, and through the blurriness she noted Yongsun’s fingers intertwined with hers, before her gaze cleared up and the tears in Yongsun’s eyes came into focus. Was she crying? She had the softest, gentlest smile, the one Byul loved to see the most the first thing when she woke up every morning. 

“Eonni…” Her thumb came up to wipe away the tear. “Nightmare?”

She almost took back her hand when Yongsun flinched at that. 

Yongsun brought their other- joined- hands up between them instead. 

The absence was glaring. Byulie’s wrist was milky white, untainted by anything. Next to Yongsun’s decorated wrist, the empty blankness of her skin felt like a slap in the face.

No soulmark. _Her soulmate was someone she doesn’t know, not yet. And it wasn’t Yongsun. Yongsun isn’t her soulmate. They weren’t fated. All this time they were together, they weren’t meant to be together._

“....breathe for me, please.” 

The deafening ringing in her ear faded away. Her lungs filled itself again, but she still could not bring her tears to a stop. 

“You’re supposed to be smiling on your birthday, no more crying.” Yongsun scolds her playfully, yet she saw right through the forced smiles and genuine worry in her eyes and caress. 

“How can I?” Not for the first time in her life, Byulyi just wanted to be a wilful, selfish child. She wanted to cry and let out every ounce of sadness she’d suppressed, wanted to scream at the universe until she got what she wanted. She wanted to take Fate by its reigns and will it into changing its course. 

All she wanted was Yongsun. Yongsun, who was lying across from her, in their shared bed of five years, smiling with teary eyes as if they haven’t just learnt of the most devastating news they’ve received. 

“Please… please don’t tell me you’re even thinking about it.” Byulyi sat up immediately when Yongsun’s eyes fell shut at that.

“Soulmarks are never wrong, love.” Yongsun said, her eyes squeezing shut even tighter in a weak attempt to control herself. 

“Why can’t we be the exception? How would you know Fate makes no mistakes? Are we a mistake then, eonni?” Every word stung herself to say, and even more so when she saw that hurt reflected on her girlfriend’s face. 

Yongsun sat up slowly. There was hesitance written on every shift of her gaze, her mind clearly reeling with a way to put across her thoughts.

“Byul, you know I love you-”

“Do you?” Byulyi regretted it almost as soon as it stumbled out of her mouth.

Yongsun looked like she was in physical pain, holding herself up on her arms that were threatening to fold. 

“Don’t you ever doubt that, ever again.”

“Then why do you doubt us? Ever since you kissed me for the first time there has never been a doubt in my heart that you’re the only one I will ever love. Isn’t that what soulmates are?” Byulyi clenched her fists on the sheets, pulling at it in a desperate need to collect herself and not lose it entirely.

“How would you know that, Byul-ah? Look, I don’t want you to be so sure about me… us. Because there’s still so many you probably haven’t met in life and maybe, just maybe, you would find someone who truly deserves you.”

“Take that back. You fucking deserve me. As I deserve you.” Byul had to take a breath to dissipate the anger with that implication. “You have met your soulmate already, since you have a mark. Then tell me, do you feel for anyone else in your life the same way you feel about me?” 

There was a beat of silence, both their turmoil hanging in the air as Byul nervously waited for Yongsun’s answer. 

“No.” Yongsun finally replied, lifting her head from where it hung between her knees. “Nobody even comes close to this. To us.”

“Eonni, listen to me.” Byulyi wrapped her hands around both of Yongsun’s, desperately trying to catch Yongsun’s hazy flickering gaze into her steadfast, determined eyes. “Fate can make mistakes. We are proof of that. Nobody I will meet will ever compare to this. Please.”

“I don’t want to lose you.” She finally crumbled, tearing down Yong’s fragile walls with her too. They fell into each other's embrace, letting out all at once the fear and anguish they’ve spent the past half-hour holding back. 

They laid back down, Byul’s head buried into the crook of Yong’s neck. Between them, there was suddenly an air of uncertainty that had never been there, not even when they first shared a bed as mere strangers. 

“So what now, unnie. What do we do?”

She heard the older girl take a long, laboured breath. 

“We wait.”

Byulyi pulled herself away so she could see Yongsun’s face. 

“What do you mean wait?”

“We will start the day all over again, celebrate your birthday as we planned, and then we wait.” Yongsun reached out to push Byulyi’s bangs away from her eyes. “We must give each other time to decide, Byul. This… this isn’t just us. It's about our real soulmates too. They are out there, and we have to choose what we want to do, what we feel is right.”

Byulyi listened silently, letting the soft cadence of Yongsun’s voice soothe her and slow her wildly beating heart.

“I just ask for one thing then, eonni. And that is that we spend today pretending this didn’t happen.” In that moment, Byulyi looked like the 16-year-old girl shivering in the cold, so vulnerable and small that Yongsun wished she could give her all the warmth and protection she could afford. 

They fell back to sleep for the next hour, before waking up again to have a second chance at the day. And just as Yongsun promised her girlfriend, there were no tears, no mention of the mark, just two girls basking in each other’s company as they checked every box on Byulyi’s birthday wishlist. 

From hanging their lovelock on the bridge, to watching the sun dip below the horizon at dusk, Yongsun did everything she could to fill this day with as many happy memories as she could for Byulyi. But all these memories can’t help but feel like they came with an air of finality, like all these were meant for goodbyes, meant for lasts and farewells.

When they went to sleep that night, Yongsun knew everything was to change the next morning, and she couldn’t do a thing about it.

* * *

It had been a week since they last saw each other. 

They needed time apart, yes, to sort through their feelings and make the right decision for them, but it didn’t help that this one week apart made Byulyi even more sure that she wouldn’t survive a life without Kim Yongsun.

And yet, seated at the bench where they first met, Byulyi watched as Yongsun walked torturously slowly towards her, and made the decision then and there to take heart. 

Their smiles were gentler, like a safety cushion to land on before the final fall happened. 

“I thought about what you said, eonni. I have yet to come to know the person that will eventually be someone I’m meant to love the most, and you haven’t found out who in your life would eventually be someone who you would love more than you already do me. We can’t be selfish, can we?”

Yongsun shook her head, the weight of the world pressing down on her throat.

“We can’t.” Yongsun let her fingers find the blank canvas of Byulyi’s wrist, tracing on it little circles that mirrored her own.

“Someone out there is going to love you, so much. And I know what it's like, because you’re so easy to love, Byulyi.” Her fingers trailed down her hand, and she found herself drawing a band around Byul’s ring finger where she would have otherwise put an actual ring on. 

“When that love comes to you, I hope it protects you and treats you well, and I hope you hold onto it.”

Byul caught those touches against her finger, and tried so desperately to wipe from her mind the image of the engagement rings she bought after the incident all those months ago, hidden in her drawer. Yongsun can never find out.

_It was one night when Byulyi burst into the emergency room, her face already streaked with tears. Byulyi felt the panic and fear creep up her throat and overwhelm her even as the nurse directed her to where Yongsun was. It was mind over matter. Her legs carried her across the winding hallways and through the human traffic even as her mind shut itself off with worry._

_“Time of death, 2156 hours.”_

_Her screams drowned out the sterile noises of the emergency ward. Her senses suddenly felt blurred, like she was trapped underwater with her pain. She couldn’t breathe, her vision turning black quicker than she expected, and it took three nurses to hold her together._

_It wasn’t until she heard a familiar voice did she come back to herself. Yongsun was there, the blinding fluorescent lights creating a halo around her head, but the bandage across her head and her bloodied lips letting Byulyi know she wasn’t imagining this._

_“I’m okay, that wasn’t me, I’m here, I’m not leaving you behind.” Yongsun whispered these words like a chant into Byul’s ear when she threw herself into Yong’s arms. Even though the injury on her side stung a little, she let the younger girl cling on, listening as her sobs softened and her breathing calmed down._

_In the ward that night, Byulyi held Yongsun’s hand steadfastly as she quietly watched her rest. She came this close to losing her that day, and as she brought the sleeping girl’s hand up to her lips, she vowed to promise her life to Kim Yongsun, to never spend another day in her remaining days not being by her side._

“I will.” Byulyi held herself more upright, quelling the new wave of emotions that memory brought her, knowing that the older girl needed her to be strong. “Just know that I will always be there for you. Yong-ah, if you ever need anything, I will always be right back by your side.”

“And you know I will be too.” Yong lifted Byul’s chin from where it hung, and regretted it when she saw how much hurt and sorrow was etched in her eyes. 

Yongsun peeled her hands away, and put a short, final distance between them. With a deep breath, she looked at the love of her life in her eyes, memorising every crease in her smile, the rise and falls of her chest as she breathes, the way she stands against the backdrop of what was the beginning of the best five years of her life.

“Please have an amazing life, Moon Byulyi.”


	3. chapter three

Byulyi tried, she genuinely did. Byulyi spent months moving from apartment to apartment. However big Seoul is, they just seemed to collide into each other more often than either of them would have liked. Each accidental collision just felt like every wound reopening again, and every memory that she tried to wipe coming to the surface all over again. 

It was like finally inching forward in her journey to move on, then falling back to the start again, every time. 

Eventually, she meets her Fated, in a bar of all places as she downs her sixth drink. She couldn’t lie, he was nice, holding her steady when she stumbled around in her drunken stupor. Even in her inebriated state, she could read people well, and knew this man had no ill intentions besides getting her to safety in some way or another. 

She barely reacted when the sleeve of her blazer slipped upwards, and the mark on her wrist faded into view, crystal clear under the bright shine of the street lamps pouring in from the street. 

The guy took back his supportive hand, as if he was touched by hot metal. He snatched his own jacket sleeve up his arm, and it was right there. The matching swirl of dark grey, that sat just under his skin. 

“No… this is not happening.” The guy just stood there with his fringe hanging in front of his forehead in defeat, his hands still held up and his wide eyes still locked onto the soulmark.

Byulyi felt nothing. She felt numb, as if this wasn’t one of the most life-changing revelations in her life. 

“Go home.” She said blankly.

The guy flinched at her voice. He looked really pitiful standing there like that, she thought.

“W-what?”

“Go home. Sleep on it.” She smacked her hand on his jacket, where the pockets were, and pulled out his phone. 

“Unlock.” He obediently did as told, offering his trembling thumbprint. It took her five whole tries to key in her number in the mental state that she was in, but she finally pressed the dial and felt the phone against her thigh ring. 

“Now go home. Call me tomorrow when I’m not… this.” She drew a circle around her face to emphasise how not ready she was for this conversation at this time.

She was stupid to think she would ever be ready for this conversation. When the call came in the next morning, she had to slap herself hard on both cheeks to avoid tripping over her own feet on the way to the kitchen. Memories of last night hit her all at once, and she shakily brought her marked up wrist to eye level. 

So that wasn’t some wild ass nightmare. Well fuck. 

The guy asked to meet at some quiet cafe, near the bar they were at last night. The whole walk over, all Byulyi could feel was the dizzying mixture of a hangover and her pain medicine, coupled with the confusion of having her soulmate show up this abruptly on a Tuesday night. 

In her mind, the whole idea of soulmates and Fated ones and soulmarks faded a long time ago, when she watched Yongsun walk away from her that night. She tried to feel something, anything, other than this strange numbness and indifference. She should care more about this, it's the person she’s meant to love for the rest of her life for fucks sake, so why was she not feeling anything?

She arrived first, and when the door to the cafe opened again, the man from last night walked through. He looked shrunken in on himself, and he couldn’t have slept for more than an hour last night. He shuffled nervously towards her table. 

“Wanna be anywhere but here? You and me both buddy.” Byulyi realised how impolite that was but also realised how little she cared. 

“Look… we just met and it’s too early to say this but…” The guy paused, his eyes flitting away from hers. “I just want to say that I am already in love with someone else.”

A wicked part of Byulyi wanted to just say “same” and leave, but she willed herself to handle this like an actual adult for once. 

“I saw this day coming, I-” He looked like a kicked puppy, stumbling over his words with tears spilling out from his bloodshot eyes. “I didn’t get my soulmark on my 21st. And my partner did. You can imagine how that feels.”

_Yes. Yes I can._

“Look, I don’t want to be selfish. If this… us, is something that you want,” Byulyi knew, it physically pained him to say those next few words. “I can leave her. We were both prepared for this.”

_This world works in the most absurd of ways_ , she thought. To think she’s sat here opposite someone who was fated for her, yet they both had someone else already occupying all the space in their heart. It was just really funny to think about. 

_I’m sorry, eonni, I can’t keep my promise to you._

“Go back to her.” She said, Yongsun’s words to cherish her soulmate left echoing in her head.

The guy’s head snapped up from where it hung. His eyes were as wide as they were last night when they both spotted their soulmarks, but this time it was filled with a shining ray of hope Byulyi wasn’t so sure she was ever capable of again.

“What?”

Byulyi let out a chuckle at how ridiculous this situation was. She took his wrist from across the table and flipped the marked side towards her. 

“I don’t really believe in fate. This… drawing, means really little to me.” She began, looking him earnestly in the eyes.

“Besides, just like you, I’m in love with someone else too.”

“Oh. You’re still seeing this person?” The guy was equally as earnest, with what looked like relief written all over his features instead. Byulyi somehow found that endearing. 

“No. I’m not. But I know that I will never love another as much as I love her.” She caught him mouthing ‘her’ in surprise, though it took him only a second to perk up again. 

“I know you said you don’t believe in all of this,” he threw his hands up in a ridiculous gesture that was supposed to mean ‘Fate’, “but I think it is something. We don’t have to be, you know, romantic. We can stay friends, right?”

Byulyi smiled at that. Yeah, even if she wasn’t ready to ever replace Yongsun, she was ready for this friendship. She needed this. 

She stuck out her hand across the table.

“Hi, I’m Moon Byulyi.”

“Lee Junghwan, nice to meet you!”

* * *

Eventually, Byulyi moved out of Seoul. It took seeing Kim Yongsun on every street corner, in every cafe, bar and restaurant they used to frequent, shadows of them laying on the sand watching the sun set on Byulyi’s 21st, and then the final straw that was watching a man kiss her on the cheek before sitting across her at the barbeque place they used to love.

She tried to forget, to move on. She would come to know of many great loves. People who stayed in her life, people who passed by her fleetingly, but none ever came close to replacing the space Yongsun occupied. 

It wasn’t until she properly took a look at herself in the mirror one day, did she realise just how time flew by. There were greys in her hair placed there by age and not vanity, and she no longer was the vibrant, toothily grinning teenager in all the pictures of Yongsun and her on her mantle. 

_How have you been doing, Yong-ah?_

A call comes in one day, from an unknown number.

“Moon Byulyi?” A man’s voice asked on the other end of the line.

“Yes? Who is this?”

“This is Cha Kangwoo. I’m…” The man choked on his words, and Byulyi can’t help but press the phone closer to her ear.

“You’re Yongsun’s friend from college.” She finished his sentence, knowing without a doubt her memory didn’t fail her. 

“Yes, I am. This call is about her, I… I need you to come over, to see her.” The unspoken words were loud and clear.

_...one last time._

* * *

Junghwan drove her, and he noticed how fast she became the vulnerable, almost emotionless Byulyi he met all those decades ago. As they inched closer to Seoul, her fingers became busier with the two rings on her hand, ones that he learnt were meant to be engagement rings, had Fate hadn’t come between them.

“She will wait for you Byul-ah.” He knew what her biggest worry was. It was literally written all over her face, from her furrowed brows to her bitten lips, and the way she was willing for the car to go even faster than it already was.

“I know she will.” 

They finally pulled up to the house. Light brown fences wrapped around its grounds and the front yard had a small herb garden on one side and a whole assortment of flowers on the other. Everything about this house is so genuinely and painfully Kim Yongsun.

The door opened, and the woman that stood there took her breath away. She was the spitting image of Yong.

“Byulyi-ssi?” The woman called out, and at that, a much older version of the Cha Kangwoo in her memory showed up behind her. Byulyi didn’t dare to move, for some reason, but she did nod slightly.

“I’m Cha Eunbyul, and this is my father.” _Eunbyul. She really named her Eunbyul._

Byulyi let out a huff of disbelief, her mouth still silently forming the words Eunbyul.

“Come on, Byulyi-ssi, my mother is waiting for you.”

* * *

It took the courage of every cell in her body to turn that doorknob and let herself in. She could not stop shaking, her eyes still unconsciously closed with some kind of fear of what she’ll see.

There she was, Kim Yongsun, propped up against her pillows on the bed. She was staring at Byul through lidded eyes, and it still leaves her shaken, just how much even being under Yongsun’s gaze rendered her motionless.

“Byulyi.” 

_Fifty years._ That’s how long she hasn't heard her say her name. And even after so long, even after meeting so many people, after hearing everyone’s iteration of her name, there wasn’t a single one that sounded the way Yong’s one did. The soft, reverent exhale of a name, like she meant more to Kim Yongsun than she could ever handle being. 

“So you named her Eunbyul after all, didn’t you?” Byulyi couldn’t hold back the teary smile that followed, walking over and sitting on the edge of Yongsun’s bed. 

“You remember?” The other woman replied, tugging on her wrist. _Just like she used to, everytime she wanted to feel Byulyi’s warmth next to her when she slept._

And who was Byulyi to deny her that? She laid down next to Yongsun, turning so that their faces were barely ten centimetres apart.

“Of course I do, Yong-ah. I remember everything.”

_There were plates of sandwiches, fruits and kimbap sprawled all around them, soft music playing from Yongsun’s phone._

_“I’m supposed to be looking at a nice view of the sea.” Byulyi said from where her head rested on Yongsun’s shoulder._

_“Why would the beach even close?” Yongsun said disappointedly, Byul could hear the pout in her voice even without seeing her face._

_“Sharks. I think. Or turtle breeding season. Or high tide. Or maybe the beach is overrun with crabs.” Byulyi mused._

_“If we put this whole thing on your bed do you think it will feel like sand?”_

_“Unnie! You’re the one that said no food on the bed!”_

  
_“Yes but your floor is hard and cold. And if I don’t have sand and sun I want to at least imagine I do.”_

_So they moved everything from the floor onto the small single bed, because Byulyi had never been able to say no to Yongsun for anything ever._

_They ate the kimbap that they made together that morning, talking about everything from crab invasions to serious Future talks._

_“...and I want to name them Byul. Their name must have Byul in it.” Yongsun announced, downing the apple juice like it's a shot of soju._

_“Absolutely not. Then what’s this child’s nickname going to be? Byul? What if both of us come running?” Byulyi plucked the dangerously dripping orange out of Yongsun’s hand._

_“Well you’re going to have to deal with it.” Yongsun retorted, before giggling uncontrollably at the thought of Byul calling their child by her own name._

_“If I have to deal with it then you do too. Second child’s name is going to have Yong in it.” The giggling stopped abruptly, Yongsun giving Byulyi such an offended face that Byul can’t help feeling proud of herself._

_She cleared her throat, straightening her back and putting on a ridiculous mock-angry face._

_“Yong, apologise to your Yong-omma. Yong, don’t be naughty. Yong-ah, seriously, stop it. Yong-ah, your Yong-omma is going to smack your-” She let out a cut-off screech when she was pushed off the bed, taking her plate of grapes down with her in a last aborted attempt to hold on._

_Somehow, they ended up cuddling on the cold, hard floor, falling asleep nuzzled into each other’s arms an hour later, the mess on the bed forgotten about._

* * *

The Yongsun in her memory was so happy, full of toothy grins and deep dimples, that when Byul opened her eyes again to see the Yongsun in front of her, her heart squeezed tightly in her chest. 

“Have you kept your promise to me, Byulyi?” Yongsun asked tiredly, running her thumb up Byul’s cheek.

_To live well._

“Have I ever broken any promises to you?” She replied, gently laying her own hand over Yongsun’s hand. 

They laid there for a moment, a silent but not uncomfortable one, just breathing each other in again for the first time in a lifetime. 

“Yongsun-ah.” Byul whispered into the quietness. “After all this time, do you still believe in Fate?”

Yongsun’s eyes shifted then, flickering down to meet Byul’s but quickly looking away again. _Almost like she’s guilty._

“Maybe. Sometimes. I don’t know.” The hesitance was thick in her voice. Has she spent all these years wondering this, just like Byul had too? Wondering if they threw fifty years away just like that, missing every birthday and milestone they had vowed to spend together. Had they really let Fate pry them apart? Granted, their lives apart were extraordinary in its own way, but the two of them can’t help thinking about how it would have been if they had rejected their marks. 

“I do. I still do believe in soulmates.” _I see you here, I have you here in my arms, I found you despite all this time and distance, of course I believe in soulmates._

Byulyi smiled sadly when she saw the confused look the other woman gave her. She ran her fingers through Yongsun’s tangled hair, picking apart little knots as she continued.

“I found my soulmate a few months after we separated. Him and I… we became close, but we both know that we were always meant to be just friends. Best friends. I can count on him for anything, and he can come to me for anything too. But there wasn’t anything between us beyond that.” Byul breathed in deeply, picking her necklace from below her shirt. 

She pressed the warm silver ring into the palm of Yongsun’s hand, closing her fingers around it before placing the lightest of kisses on her knuckles.

“This has always belonged to my soulmate.” There was silence after that, Yongsun letting those words wash through her like a warm wave of currents. 

They laid more comfortably on the same pillow, mere inches apart, sharing soft breaths and words, catching up on all the stories they lived in without each other. Filling in each other’s places in those fifty years, trying to relive all those memories again, this time with the other by their sides. They talked and talked like they had all the time in the world.

But they both knew in their hearts, that time was running out. From the way Yongsun’s eyelids slipped every miniscule closer to shut, to the increasing amount of effort it took to bring her hand up to rest on the side of Byulyi’s face, she knew. 

This was what it all came down to. Fifty years apart, and barely an hour left to make up for it.

“Byul-ah, can you hold me, please?” Her voice sounded different, like it took more energy than ever necessary to even speak those words.

Byul couldn’t bring her into her embrace any faster. She tucked Yong’s head into the crook of her neck, letting her nestle and pillow herself in. She wrapped herself protectively around her trembling frame, holding her as close as physically possible.

She’d heard this word come out of Kim Yongsun’s mouth once, but this time, her heart is much stiller. There wasn’t an overwhelming sadness like the last time. There was instead a certain type of solace and peace that overcame her, much like she had absolute trust in closing her eyes and letting the rest of the night happen to her. 

"Goodbye, love."

If there was one thing she’s come to be assured of, it's that Fate makes mistakes too, because how could the two people who were more meant to be than anyone else in the world, have to be separated so cruelly for so long? 

Fate made its mistake once, but never twice, because Moon Byulyi took her last breath that night, just hours after Kim Yongsun passed on in her arms.

_I will find you again, Kim Yongsun. And this time, I will never let you go._

* * *

“Here alone?” The silver-haired girl turned her attention to her. They both stopped in front of the mural-sized abstract painting, an artful splash of warm orange with a violet heart in the middle. 

“Yeah, I’m Hwasa’s friend.” She replied, before quickly adding. “Oh, um, Hwasa is Jung Wheein’s-”

“Girlfriend, yes I know.” The other girl finished her sentence. “I’m Moonbyul, Wheein’s best friend.”

“Oh, Moonbyul! Hwasa talked about you.” She extended her hand for a handshake. “I’m Solar, nice to meet you.”

They chatted as they walked around Wheein’s art gallery, the conversation going from their best friends to their own hobbies. 

  
There was something about Moonbyul that Solar just couldn’t quite place, the way she felt like she had known this girl for forever, the way the past few minutes spent with her felt so familiar and reminiscent of something deep in her memories.

“Solar-eonnie!” Hwasa’s voice came from the other end of the gallery’s aisle, jerking her from her train of thoughts and sending the stack of programme booklets in her arms scattering to the ground.

Solar replied Hwasa with a death glare that said thanks for the embarrassment, genius, before rushing to pick up all the fallen stacks of papers. 

Moonbyul hurried to help her, reaching for the ones that were just out of reach for Solar. 

There was a speck of ink that Solar almost missed, and in that moment, she doesn't know if she blacked out a little or just stopped breathing altogether.

She grabbed the other girl’s outstretched arm, unapologetically yanking the sleeve of her jacket up her arm. The inky lines of a soulmark slowly appeared, circling Moonbyul’s wrist, the nearly-symmetrical lines arching past the end of where her sleeve was pulled up to. The ends arched and converged, ending off in an elegant dot, like as if a calligrapher proudly placed a period at the end of their script. 

Through the see-through mesh of her sleeve, Solar stared at the identical pattern rising to the surface on her own skin. It was dark in the gallery, barely enough light let through the fabric, but she could feel the energy thrum in her veins and draw itself along the forming soulmark.

A finger hooked under her chin, lifting her eyeline up to meet Moonbyul’s gleaming ones. 

“I promised you, didn’t I?” _A nebulous cloud of memories came back to her._ “We would find each other in every lifetime, Kim Yongsun.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_**fin.** _


End file.
